Monthly Archives: November 2014

The BucketList£.

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Death. As soon as the crass cacophony of this five lettered word strikes our eardrums the lustre of our faces starts fading away. An inevitable event, an event whose slight glimpse gives a whole lot of us goosebumps.

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Many of us will change topics when the discussion arises as they develop a cold feet whenever they imagine themselves as a disfigured,  rottening corpse. Many will start brushing philosophies, of it being the sole path of merging with the ultimate one. There’s also a clan of mega minds who will do nothing except smiling at the foolishness of the ones who are discussing about it, as according to them why spend their quality time debating on things whose possibility is nowhere to be seen in the nearby future.

But apart from these highly intellectual minds there also exists a population of those who redefine the get together of these five alphabets.
D-E-A-T-H.
Who are these people?
Are they from mars?
Surely not. These are simple humans, like we are. These are people who know how much sand is left in their hourglass. These are people suffering from deadly cancers, AIDS, these are people who have received threat calls from chota rajan, chota shakeel and chota what not.

So what’s that one thing they come to realise overnight after getting the medics report or a late night phone call. There’s no secret remedy that they get, neither do they come to know of some secret message from GOD. They just come to learn one simple lesson that life tries to teach all of us during it’s entire course. They see there one shot chance of fighting their life long fear of death, they just come to realise that it is their  time to dust off all the chains and boundaries, all restrictions and limits, to set free, climb mount everest, write their autobiography, propose their childhood crush, shower all they can on their beloved ones, dance nude in front of Parliament, announce on a radio channel that they are alive, to live their dreams and what not and why not?

The recent misfortune that Australian cricketer Phillip Hughes suffered has somehow raised the age old question in our minds again – how much uncertain can life be?

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So instead of lying on the bed waiting for death to arrive and wrap you up in its arms, go outside, take your shot. Take a paper, pick a pen and start creating the check boxes that may make your death worthy of the life it has succeeded. Complete as much of them as possible. Don’t leave any stone unturned. Life may not be long but it provides us with enough opportunities to make it large.

So everyone out there who have got their reports, calls or not, go start making your bucket list before you start hearing the ticking of clock of life.
Once prepared take the list, pack your bags, stiffen your butts and begin the journey.

The two L words: love and lust£.

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Yes, they both start with L. Moreover they are also the offspring of the same parent i.e. attraction. We can consider them as two long lost brothers or twins separated by the forces of hormonal imbalance.

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And  just like it goes in the classic lullabies , one of the two grew up to become the saintly, philosopher type and the other one became a rebel. Obviously love becoming the former one and lust the latter.

So going by the classical meanings love is the one which gets defined by some really heavy kind of vocabulary including stuff like sacrifice, devotion, dedication, hesitation, masturbation (probably in a very few cases) and lust is the one which has just one simple phrase to define itself – strong physical attraction.

Moving on, people consider love as something pure and pious, something that lasts for eternity and lust as something filthy and short lasting. People obviously chose the brands with long lasting tag lines, something which gives them a run for their money ( reasons why durex extended pleasure is such a bestseller).

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So love is obviously their choice of brand ( considering the majority). But here the problem arises, it is not the emotion/feeling we choose to have. It just happens somehow on it’s own. Had the choice been in our hands the world would have a been much happier place to live in.

Going by the thoughts of some highly evolved minds lust is one really trust worthy friend to have. And this belief has been formed over years due to their constant exposure to people who have one time or the other fallen prey to the cupid’s arrow (includes me) and the following periods of time has seen them being constant victims of suffering and pain.

I think that this word love should be replaced by something more reliable like suffering.
  LOVE=SUFFERING.
Just imagine how nice will it feel to hear one of your friends saying “Bro, I  think I am falling in suffering with this girl”.At least he will see see his fate in his own words.

The next problem with love is the fake promises it makes, like there is this term called soul mate which love blind people generally refer to. The basic theory behind this soul mate philosophy is that – there is this one creature of opposite sex made for everyone alive in this world and someday ultimately we will find him.

Now, there are two root problems with the following belief:
 
1. The sex ratio is not even i.e. female population of the world is not anywhere equal to the male population. So, how come everyone gets a soul mate.

2. What if my soul mate is Emma Stone? ( I mean what are my f*#king chances of getting even a slight glimpse of her in reality?)

The case with lust is way too simple.
You like someone, you lust for him.
No heartbreaks, no pain, no suffering, no fake promises (of living happily forever after).

Now let us consider the following example :-

There are two friends Ram and Shyam living together in the same apartment. One day a girl named Megha comes to live in their apartment. On seeing her for the first time Ram falls in love with her. The next day Shyam also sees her and he was like, “she is one hot b*t*h” i.e.  he lusts for her.

Now, from here on three consequences may follow :

1. Megha also falls for Ram.
    [feelings experienced
     Ram- enlightened
     Shyam- bi**h].

2. Megha falls for Shyam
   [feelings experienced
     Ram- depressed
     Shyam – fu**ing  bi**h].

3. Megha falls for none.
   [feelings experienced
     Ram- depressed
     Shyam – bi**h].

As we can see from the above example that Ram suffers in two of the situations whereas Shyam was having the same mental stability in nearly all situations. So what’s good?

Going by my thoughts falling in love is one hell of an amazing feeling.
So what about the pain and suffering part?

My answer to this  –  some feelings are worth the pain they carry.

So finally concluding,
Keep lusting till you find your true love ( that doesn’t means you should stop lusting after that). 

One more thing, soul mates are mythical creatures found solely in story books, not in reality. So don’t wait for someone to arrive and make you life beautiful. Life is damn beautiful on it’s own so just find someone to share it with.

Aligning maths with reality£……

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Aligning maths with reality£……

Maths. For the ones who have never ever heard of this five lettered word  (p.s.-existence of such life form is highly uncertain)  mathematics might seem like the name of some lavish luxury automobile brand. Even I sometimes give it a thought.

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Apart from that maths has some really adverse relationship with reality. It’s composition includes 90% of pulp fiction and 10% of   ground reality.

2 cows and 2 cows makes 4 cows and this is the closest maths has been to
reality and that too in kindergartens. Higher mathematics is more like Wonderland where you keep searching for bits of reality moving
bewildered in a whole new virtual world  like Alice did.

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I am a student, pursuing my majors in mathematics and i had no intentions of writing something like this until last night, when I saw something (a question to say in particular) that left me really disturbed and baffled. The question left me unconscious and made me to fall asleep. I kept thinking  “this can’t be real, am i hallucinating or has someone drugged me or maybe i am dying”  till the point when sleep took me over. To my surprise i opened my eyes in the morning (yes, I was alive).
Slowly I started gaining consciousness when all of a sudden I saw him again and i was like

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Then i understood all of this was for
real and the only way to end this was to solve it and i did that.

Here’s what he looked like,

In the island of Hoola Boola Moola, the inhabitants have a strange process of calculating their average incomes and expenditure. According to an old legend prevalent on the island, the average income had to be calculated on the basis of 14 months in a calendar year while the average monthly expenditure was to be calculated on the basis of 9 months per year…

And then multiple questions followed from this small piece of information.

Also in one of the questions there’s a character named boogie woogie nd the currency of the island was moolah (yes, they even created fictional currency).

After going through this question I strongly feel the need of a brief statuory warning on the cover of every single maths book……..

” all the characters, places and incidents in this book are purely fictional and any resemblance to  any person dead or alive is only coincidental”.

Moving on………
The  world is overpopulated with students and based on their approach to solve the above mentioned question they can be divided into three sub categories :

1.the one’s who will skip to the next question.

2.the one’s who will be like
x % y – z≠blah blah,
flip the page, yeah!  I got the  correct answer.

3.this group consists of some highly evolved intellectuals ( including me) who will solve it like
enabled data connection
Opened browser
Googled hoola boola moola

and even google is like – what the f**k is this?

Moving on…
Going by my thoughts textbook writers need to invent a new niche of mathematical problems involving some ground reality. If they got a problem, here’s a damn practical question concerning with real life situation……

Ram and shyam are two friends pissing off in a toilet. If ram has a shaft 10 inch long and 2 mm thick he pisses off with a velocity of 8m/s. If shyam has got a shaft  double the dimensions what will be his velocity? 

Some might call it surreal but guys shafts are more real things than some island named hoola boola moola having fictional currency and irrelevant mythological ways to calculate monthly income and expenditure (I hope it makes them fool the income tax department).

So my final words……
What can be done to align maths with reality £?
Nothing i guess. There are some things which should be left the way they are because there are a very few things in this world which by providing a fictional view of the society deviate our mind from the harsh reality  that in what a heinous creature humans have evolved into.

(p. S. – guess what some famous fictions would have transformed into, had they been aligned with reality…

1. Alice in Nigeria (the climax would have seen Alice being abducted and sexually abused by the boko haram) .

2. Alibaba and 40 Isis militants. (the story must have been ended with Alibaba being beheaded.)

)

Is life really a bitch£?

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A bitch is someone who lets u to nail her and in return she bites your  testicles.
And life is one such thing which fits into the shoes perfectly.
                               
She gives you gifts  and then she breaks your heart and life goes on…….

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Last month the girl i had a secret crush on befriended me, I was like…….

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everything was going quite well just when she said something that left me agitated and infuriated. I ended it there.

That’s my part of story I got my own share of gifts and heartbreak. Everyone does. Me no different.

Three days later I was with my friends
Completely forgetting the mini tsunami of emotions that were flooding my heart days ago.
That’s the thing about life, it goes on. It doesn’t stops for anyone neither me nor you. It finally falls to you wether to accompany it on the eternal journey or to remain stuck-up in the waves of past.

Despite being a bitch it gives you your share of chances and opportunities. To take that or just let it go is our decision to  make and decisions my friend are one damn important thing that decide the course of your living.

For example let there be two friends ram(age 25 years) and shyam(age 26 years) . Ram’s dream was to see a lion face to face ( a pretty stupid one i guess) and shyam’s was to raise a healthy family (that’s more like it). One day while passing through the jungle they saw a lion’s den. Ram decided to go inside while shyam decided to just pass by. Both went there way……….
Ram was eaten by the lion and shyam fell off a cliff. Both were dead.

Conclusion drawn:- Ram’s dream was fulfilled, shyam’s wasn’t.

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Don’t feel like this.

I know it’s quite a lame example but try to get my point, no one knows how much they are going to live neither you nor me, neither krk  nor srk. So don’t wait for something to come your way to have it, just go after it and as soon as opportunity knocks grab it. That’s the point I am trying to convey. Both ram and shyam were dead but ram at least fulfilled his dream (P.S.-he died after pursuing it) and what about shyam, what the f**k was he waiting for. He was 26 years old and he should have married if that was what he dreamt of(I guess you see my point of mentioning the age).

So that one thing made the difference one grabbed the opportunity as soon as it knocked and the other who was waiting (I don’t know what he was waiting for even in India 26 is a healthy age for getting married) just waited for eternity.

Moving on……..
The earth is overpopulated with people of all kinds but basically they can be divided into three sub categories :-

1.the one’s who don’t know you exist or they don’t give a damn why you exist.

2. the one’s for whom you are beneficial                (that is the reason why you exist for them)

3. your parents.

The 1st sub category is something you too should not care about , choose a plenty from the 2nd one and the 3rd one is worth choosing. Now, the people you have chosen, what to do with them. Wtf. Just care for them, love  them, cuddle them, hug them. Hold their hand no matter what they do with you, even if they stab you in the heart just hug them  so that they might feel your warm blood  along with your feelings for them flowing, drenching them because these are the people who have made your life worth living and your death even worthier, for these are the people who have made life a bitch worth nailing.

So finally, is life a bitch£?  Yes, I guess. A nasty one, but these two things – – your dreams and the people you love make it a bitch worth taming even if sometimes it bites your testicles.